


The Pain of War

by Xx_Mejjeje_xX



Category: Captain America - All Media Types, Iron Man - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: AU, Contest of Champions, Death, Gore, Guilt, Heavy Angst, Hurt Steve Rogers, Insanity, M/M, Post-Civil War (Marvel), Self Harm, Steve Has Issues, Steve Rogers Feels, Steve trying to atone, Stony - Freeform, Superhusbands (Marvel), no happy ending, self-hate
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-22
Updated: 2016-07-22
Packaged: 2018-07-25 23:37:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,806
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7551547
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Xx_Mejjeje_xX/pseuds/Xx_Mejjeje_xX
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In a world where there was no one to stop him from slamming his shield down, in a world where his best friend and lover dies by his own hands. Steve Rogers sees the reality of his actions and vows to atone his crimes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Pain of War

**Author's Note:**

> Hey everyone just a quick one shot. After seeing the Civil Warrior champion on Tumblr for the game Contest of Champions I just had to write something. If you haven't seen it yet here's the link. http://widow.ga/post/147705000225
> 
> please if you have issues with gore, blood and fatal wounds (( there's a description of how bad Tony's wound was)) please read at your own risk. this does have self-harm but for one small part towards the end.

Steve knew the moment he slammed his shield down when he heard the sickening sound of flesh and bone breaking and smell of iron in the air that there was nothing in the world that would ever fix it, his blue eyes met with dull brown, lifeless and not a single spark of that brilliant engineer he grew fond of insight. Oh, where had this war taken them, A sob escaped as his throat constricted, dropping his shield to the side he looked down at his fallen comrade, friend, partner and lover.

Steve couldn’t take his eyes off of the wound he inflicted, how the perfect olive toned skin was covered in blood, oozing from the fatal wound, he saw a dried tear that he now realized fell from Tony’s eyes. He was so blinded by rage that he caused the ultimate pain to the one person he truly cared for. He looked up and around his area and saw many of his friends, his family laying in death as the those who survived looked at him in horror. Why didn’t anyone stop him, no he couldn’t place the blame on other, the only person at fault was him, he was the one who dealt the final blow, he was the one that was too stubborn to listen to the man beneath him when he tried to explain his reasoning.

Steve had his patriotic stick far up his ass to see what his, actions brought. Yes, Tony was a fault but how many times did the man try to talk to Steve? how many times had Tony begged for him to listen and for Steve to turn a deaf ear, those sweet moments of love and care disappeared the night he walked out from the mansion with half the team following, he left the man he fell for and he regretted it. Placing a gloved hand over the arc reactor he leaned down and the smell of blood burned his throat, “I’m so sorry Tony, I failed you” his pain filled voice whisper, in the moment he called out to any and all gods to please let him fix this but the answer he got was silence.

He felt the anger boil inside him again as he screamed in agony into the sky, his faith broken and the air around him tense. He hated himself with each breath he takes, he hated himself that he was still alive and breathing while Tony laid dead by his own hands. the ultimate betrayal. He felt a hand rest on his shoulder and shrugged that off as he dropped his head in shame, “Steve.. t…they have to take him away. it’s over Steve. it’s over” it was Bucky, he shook his head and sobbed “it’s never over Buck.. it will never be over, what have I done”

Even after they taken the bodies back to S.H.I.L.E.D and the news of Tony Stark’s death was heard on every news outlet worldwide he sat in one of the chairs with his head in his hands, the image of Tony’s broken and bloody face clear as day in his mind. They weren’t going to prosecute him, the people still believed he was right he wanted to scream that no, no one was right or wrong that his actions caused a great man to die, that he had killed Tony but he couldn’t, he couldn’t find the words to say it.  He then got up and went to see his body before the funeral and the personals asked him to remove the armor. He swallowed thickly and stepped into the cold and empty room when Tony laid on the simple metal table, it almost looked like he was sleeping if it wasn’t for the death like color on his face and the gaping wound, his shield did so much damage, the edge like razor that sliced his jaw open, all the way to his skull.

He turned his head away and called out to the suit, “Override code; Steve Rogers 52678” the suit took its time but eventually it began to strip away, he helped pull away armor that was too damaged to remove by itself and he sobbed when he looked at Tony’s left hand and there was a silver band on his finger, he leaned down and buried his face into the still chest and cried, cried like he was a newborn baby. What had he done, he repeated to himself as he used on hand to reach into his uniform and pull out his dog tags that held a similar ring on it. Why did he let his anger consume him, he asked himself as he whispered in a broken sob, “None of this mattered Tony..it wasn’t worth it, it was never worth it!” he screamed and clutched the undersuit and let all of his surpassed emotions free. “ I killed you. I killed you and I won’t be ever to forgive myself” he pulled back and wiped his eyes as he turned when he heard the steel doors open and heard quick footsteps, “Cap..”

It was Scott Lang, the brave man that joined his side, he left his family to join his cause and Steve hated himself more. He looked at Tony’s ruined face before moving his hands to remove the Arc Reactor that sat heavy, “We have to take his armor back, no one should have these in their possession”

“What are we going to do with it?”

Steve closed his eyes before answering, “I know what to do”

They worked on getting the tech out and stood by his body once again, “I will never forgive myself but I will do my best to make it up to you.. to atone for what I’ve done, I know it would do shit but its the only I can live, I can’t do it without you Tony, you taught me so many things when I first woke up, you were there every step of the way and this is how I repaid you? if you are watching over me, don’t. I don’t deserve it and don’t ever forgive me. I love you” he whispered the promise into the room and turned and left.

*x*x*x*

“So what do we call you now?” Steve rolled his eyes and grunted as he threw his shield against their latest bad guy, he flicked his wrist and the shield came flying back to him before throwing it once again, “I mean, since you’re not Cap anymore, Commander? no, it doesn’t sound right what are you called anyways” Steve sighed and replied back voided of any emotions, “Civil Warrior, now focus Hawkeye”

“Man, Tones and I would have made fun of you for that one” the comms became quiet and Steve heard a softer ‘sorry’ afterward, he missed catching his shield and it bounced off the rumble behind him, that nickname, he hadn’t heard it in a while and he frowned behind his helmet. These days no one saw Steve Rogers, all they saw was the Civil Warrior, clad in red, white and blue he worked with Scott to merge his colors with Tony’s tech and armor, fusing the two heroes in a symbolic way, many called him crazy and to let it go but he couldn’t he promised Tony he would od everything to atone for his crime.

He caught his shield this time and turned to activate the uni-beam from the center of the weapon, they removed the iconic white star and replaced it with a large working Reactor that he used when a baddie was too strong or for a quick defense. So they were all heading back and Steve turned to head back to the empty mansion. Tony left everything to him in his will, every little thing was in his name now and he hated it, even in death Tony took care of them all. He had given the company back to Pepper who was more than happy to remove that privilege from Steve’s hand, he wasn’t a businessman and we would never be one. His heavy footsteps echoed the empty Mansion, most of the rooms locked and never used as he made his way to his room, it once belonged to them before the war started and they were happy. months after it all ended Tony’s scent began to disappear and Steve began to feel numb.

He left the armor open and he stepped out of it before moving to the bathroom to look in the mirror, the reflection that he was was not the same Steve Rogers from years ago when the Mansion was filled with laughter and happiness, nowadays he kept everyone at arms length even Bucky who tried to get him help. He looked at his eyes that were cold and dull. his cheeks were sunken and he looked sick, he almost looked like that boy that died back in the 40’s, He turned his head and saw the faint scar that the damn Serum was healing, it was a scar that Tony dealt during the final battle and every day since then he would take a knife and cut the scar back open to remind him of what he did and what he lost. Call him crazy, but on that day not only did Tony Stark died but so did Steve Rogers.

As the blood stopped he looked at his reflection and a tear fell, he would into his suit every day and fight whatever needed to be fought before going back home, no he had no right to call anywhere home because his home was dead. He looked back and glanced at the armor that reminded him of what and who he was now and he turned to get back out there. He took on final glance towards the dresser that held two pictures, one of the whole team together at the beach it was a beautiful day where they were free to be normal human beings. The other was a picture of Tony and himself, happy and smiling brightly at the camera, now he forgot how to smile how to feel and he stared at the picture before muttering to himself.

“I pray to whatever God there is that in an another world we never had a war, I pray that we never have to fight and we are happy. please that all I ask”

As the helmet closed around his head a voice, a familiar voice filled his ears, even if it had a mechanical tone and it was not alive he let the voice wrap around him in a blanket “Welcome back Steve, More crime fighting missions?” the suits A.I teased.

“Yes T.O.N.Y, Let’s go”

“Aye, Aye my Captain”


End file.
